The RN: Why Women are so Picky about Sex

Women are picky about sex. Even when we're not being picky, we're still being picky. Why? Because we are taught from a young age by our parents, our friends, your friends, and society we are The Guardians of the Pussy. We are literally taught it is our "job" to say no. Just think about that for a minute. We are taught it's our fault every time we have sex because we could have said no. Talk about Rape Culture.

via Buzzfeed

So, getting started on my list of why we are picky is this: guilt sucks, if we are going to accept the guilt from having said yes when we could have said no, you had better be worth it.

When I get to place where I'm legitimately thinking about fucking you, one of the first things going through my head is "is this gonna be worth it?" To be fair, by this point I already know I'm attracted to you or I wouldn't be thinking about fucking you. Next on the list is, in an almost unconscious or not completely aware way, how will I be judged if I do this? What will my friends, your friends, society think if I do this? This happens most times I have sex. Yes, this is a big part of choosing a new partner, but it also happens when I'm with someone I have already had sex with. Pause ... contemplate ... I am thinking about whether I'm going to be judged even if we've already slept together. Why would I worry about it? Because:

via Buzzfeed

Don't let societies' ideal put pressure on me? Fuck. You. When was the last time you had to deal with conflicting pressures about how to live your life? Did you worry about fitting in? Oh, you did? Of course you fucking did! Because we are social creatures by nature and no matter how rebellious we may be, society still matters to us.

Where was I? Oh, yeah, why women are picky about sex. The next topic on my list is: women face more possible consequences from sex.

First, many STDs (I am child of the 90s and refuse to use STI; it's the same damn thing!) affect women more than men. What, I'm crying wolf? Fine. Don't take my word for it:

• "Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) remain a major public health challenge in the U.S., especially among women, who disproportionately bear the long-term consequences of STDs." - The CDC
• "[STDs] impact men and women differently, and in women, can lead to long-term problems like infertility." - Jamaica Observer
• "A woman’s internal anatomy creates a virtual breeding ground for infection, as bacteria can become lodged more deeply in the body and breed more easily in a wet environment." - Get RI
• If that's not enough, Google it.

Second, Hello! Pregnancy! I don't want to hear your post feminism BS about this affects the man as well. I know, but I don't care because at the end of the day, it's my body going through it. There are a lot of risks to women during pregnancy. And, from what I have seen, it's miserable and extremely uncomfortable. But at the end, hey, now you have a kid! Yay! Just what society ordered; smile. And just about everything I don't want. Even if you do want kids, it still changes your body in ways many people don't understand. There is never a question on who the mother is, your life, and your body, will never be the same. Which is fine if that is something you want, but it's not fine if you have guys claiming we don't need condoms.

I do not want to deal with this.
via Show and Tell

Last topic, for this blog, on my list: sex is an invasion, literally.

When we have sex, your body invades my body. Stop for just a second and think about an erect penis. Yours, your friend's, your boyfriend's, your friend's boyfriend's, your husband's, a porn star's, anybody's, or a baby holding an apple. Now think about something that size rooting around in your organs.... Something you don't have control over.... Something under someone else's control.... Something someone stronger than you controls.... Someone stronger than you controlling a foreign object rooting around your internal organs. It's a wonder women agree to have sex at all.

None of this to say women don't enjoy sex, but it's about a lot more than satisfying our hormones in the moment. Also, hello? have you read the rest of this blog? I love having sex, but not so much that I will sacrifice myself or my morals for it.

The RN: Who's in my Mouth?

Wait! What?

Yeah, that's what I said, "Who's in my Mouth?"

The other weekend The Sonnet, a random guy friend, and I went to local diner after our friend's birthday party. As we were leaving, our guy friend left us to walk home when The Sonnet and I turned to catch a cab back home, when this random child boy guy showed up out of nowhere. He was staring at me and then declared I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen and asked if our friend was my boyfriend. This immediately made me suspicious since we all know, I don't think I'm super great looking.

Wait, how old are you?

Then he tries to take my box of food and hand it to The Sonnet, which did not amuse her. Then he walks right up to me and starts kissing me. I think he may have mentioned his name but I was still trying to figure out what was going on and all the sudden there's a tongue in my mouth. I was totally taken aback, I mean really who does that? Meanwhile, The Sonnet had caught a cab, so when he pulled back and said we should exchange numbers, I managed to say I had to get in the cab and left quickly.

In the cab ,The Sonnet and I were talking about what happened and the cab driver tells me I broke the guy's heart. And he was so sad he was going to jump off the roof of the diner where we had been.  We all laughed about it on the way home. When we got home I told The Sonnet I was going to put my food in the fridge and then go wash my mouth. Which I did. Promptly.

Although somewhat flattering, it was mostly disconcerting to have someone just walk up and kiss me without any preamble.